Time flies by!

So as you can see, the time has flown by for us! It seems like just yesterday we were bringing Brady and Paige home from Grand Rapids. It has been good but oh my gosh so so hectic. Somedays I wonder how I thought that being home would be easy. Don't get me wrong I love being with the twins but it has only been recently that it has slowed down enough that we are actually home more than out and about. Today we got another break in that we have put off therapy for Paige for now. Of course not for good reasons but at least it makes it a little easier until we get to the point where it will actually make sense to go.

Surgery is our next BIG thing. We do not know much about this yet but what we do know is a little scary so far. Paige is definitely going to have the nissen procedure done as well as a G-tube put in. They may have to do more of a corrective surgery which would be much more invasive. They have found that her reflux is a step down from the highest level, which is considered massive reflux. So out of 10 she is a 9. NO WONDER!! But one of the reasons is the position of her stomach in her little body. It is not placed the way it should be and because of that there is the possibility of a more invasive surgery to correct the placement. I know she is in God's hands but it still doesn't make it any easier. I also am very grateful that they are having us come back to GR for the surgery. Convenient no, but much more reassuring. Here is where my brain is going into overload. The same way it did when they said Brady was coming home. All the scenarios are playing in my head but I can't see the ending. Patience is a virtue but God has not yet blessed me with that one! Maybe this is His funny way of showing me how to be patient.

"But they that WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings as eagles;they shall run, and not be weary;and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Guess that answers my question huh!

Button bond!

So I watched Benjamin Button today for the first time.....yes I know I am very behind! O my tears galore!
Many of you know that it has been hard for me to realize that my angels are just that.....MINE.
I have looked at them and just thought It feels as if we adopted or I was just Babysitting. The lack of bonding from our NICU experience had left me a little disconnected. Love them yes but didn't feel like a mom yet. Since we have come home it has been getting alot better. I notice that when I leave both or even just one of them behind I am needing to cuddle with them. It just makes me feel better.
So anyways, back to why I started with the benjamin story. The part in this movie were he makes the decision to leave his little girl behind. I cried cried cried. I was holding Brady at the time and just completly felt the fear of ever having to leave him behind and never seeing them again. UGH first major "MOM" moment.
Loving that I have these moments now but goodness this part is going to suck. From the girl who laughed at the Titanic( cause it was just so cheesey) To the Mother who cries at A baby story to a commercial.
So the mommy bond starts.........Here goes nothing!

Surprise, Surprise

So yea, I know, I suck at this. But yet maybe it has something to do with having not been home much lately. This week the only day I had to stay home was tuesday. Today is eye doctor, Monday and Thrusday Paige's feeding therapy, Friday is shots. Sometimes it all just seems insane. The doc's tell you to be so so careful with them but yet you have to take them so many times to the Doctor's does it really matter. But either way it sucks to have to take them both. We are waiting on paperwork to go through in order to get some money to get a new car. Until then it is a dance with my gracious mother to borrow her van.

I have found it amazing lately the things that people used to do, now bug the heck out of me. Normal since I have known them but now as I look at them through ( I can only call ) a Mother's eyes, irritates me. How can people be so selfish. I know I have an issue with that too but I try every moment to keep the lid on it. Or at least until Kit gets home! What I wouldn't do for our kids. I guess some of it I can not judge because I am not there yet but really, tell me is it that different? But anyways enough of me venting frustrations!

So for those of you that read on facebook know that I had to put a tube down Brady again. Sometimes I do wish he could be normal and just be. But really, I get it. He just is not. The strong little bugger has pulled the tube out 3 times since putting it in on Friday night. I guess he is saying I got rid of this once I will do it again. But yesterday after just 4 short days of having it in He had gained 9oz. Little porker!!! The little do do head went from not even gaining a tenth of an ounce a day to gaining about 2 oz a day. So far so good! now just a wait and see. Hopefully soon this will start calming down. On ecould only hope!

And now to the being Thankful part. Which should have come first but lets just pretend it did;) I have found this week that our wonderful friends that are going through the same muck, are on their ways out the door of the NICU/NIM. I know I probally scared the wits out of you guys with all of my drama but you know what...... You are strong families/people. And you will do great. Just remember do not think you can do it all. Just because you are home doesn't mean to give up the help you have been getting. You will still need it just maybe in a different compasity. I know it is so different too, between my life and yours but really I think even with my horror stories I still have the long stick in this deal. Continue to be strong, Look to God for your Refuge and Strength. God Bless you all.

first and foremost

So today is a day of firsts. Jan. 1st of the new year of 2010. And yes I am starting a blog. We will see how this process goes. Maybe this is my new way of coping with the new life I have. Wonderful yes, but none the less very different. I keep on thinking I go back to work soon. Then I start worrying about how I will do all of this and work. I then realize that this is now my new job. A wonderful and fullfilling new chapter. I hope that I can do justice to my children. I hope I can ask for help when I need it. I hope that I can be the kind of wife my husband needs. God give me the strength and stamina that I need to do all this in what I believe will be my hardest job yet. So here I am starting this new year with so many things new. I hope that it brings everyone things new. Maybe it will not be things you may have wanted but God is in control. He is with us always,through everything new!